When you come out of university, you metaphorically let out a deep sigh. You never thought you would get through to the other end of your third year. You thought the dissertation would chew you up and if that didn't destroy you, then your final exams would. That you made it is a testament to either your nerve or your stubbornness. You spend the first few weeks of freedom relaxing. You deserve it! You made it! Plus, you're all burnt out from the effort. However, once the honeymoon period ends, and the glow of success fades, panic starts to set in.
See, for the first eighteen/twenty-one years of your life, next year was already planned. Loosely, but you knew it would be academic related. You knew you would have classes to attend, coursework to complete, exams to revise for. Other details would be filled in as you went along, but you were guaranteed something to be a part of. Then you finish university and the rest of your life stretches out before you. No longer are you a hundred percent sure of where you will be. Your life is now one long blank page and you need to start filling in the details yourself.
You might get a job straight off the mark. You might go travelling. You might chill out and do a mixture of things at a leisurely pace. However, you will pine for your university days at least once, if not more. You will effectively scream at the sky, "take me back!" as you try to figure out how to navigate adult life.
The first stumbling block hits you around October. You see freshers or your friends or other young people head off to university for the first/second/third time and suddenly realise that THAT ISN'T YOUR LIFE ANYMORE, and you desperately want it to be. You want to go back and be a lazy student. You want to be relaxed again, and not have major, possibly life-wrecking if made incorrectly, decisions to make.
These feelings come and go like waves. Some will be stronger than others and drown you in nostalgia, some will be quiet musings as you go about your day. You'll miss your friends, roommates, coursemates. You'll miss staying up all night long and forgoing sleep as you have a super important lecture to get to at nine in the morning. You'll miss randomly hitting the cinemas, bowling alleys, bars at whatever o'clock (normally stupid) as you're bored and have nothing better to do. You will miss it all and want to go back.
I thought those feelings would never end. I thought I would always miss university the way your parents told you that you'd miss your childhood ("enjoy your school days now, kids, for you'll miss it when it's gone!"). I thought I would always look back and sigh, lost in melancholy. But, I recently discovered I no longer miss being a student. I have effectively moved past the past and am looking forward to the future, to what is next.
I discovered this when I went back to my university town a few weeks ago, to reunite with two of my closest university friends. Staring around the city centre I found that although it wasn't unrecognisable, it didn't look familiar. It looked strange and alien. There had been some aesthetic changes, the roads redone and certain buildings replaced, but even with them the place didn't feel like home, nor did I long for it like I did when I headed back there for my graduation. I spotted students too, now studying at my university, but I felt no jealousy. Sure, it was good to be back there, but I didn't want to stay. I was happy to head home after seeing my friends.
I am glad that those feelings are gone and I hope they stay gone, tucked away so I can remember my student days fondly and without an overwhelming urge to go back and do it again. That's not to say I wouldn't go back to university if I could. I would do it in a heartbeat, but not to repeat my first years as a student. I would do it again to do something new, study something new or even expand upon my first degree.
It's a relief that I've moved on and it feels empowering. I'm looking forward to whatever life has to offer next.
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