The Pleasure in Procrastinating

2-for-1. Another foray into studenthood, though I still procrastinate like there's no tomorrow. What can I say? It's a habit that's hard to kick.

So, procrastination. Possibly the most fun a student can have without getting any academic work done. Because, let's be honest, procrastinating is still productive, just not in the way you want to be. It is a way of spicing up all those (household) jobs that are usually bland as rice. It makes them enticing, exciting, welcoming. Daily tasks become 100x more thrilling when procrastination enters the arena. Here is an accurately scientific formula for you:

NORMAL TASKS x PROCRASTINATION + (COMMON SENSE - GUILT) = SUPER MEGA FUN

(Disclaimer: this formula may or may not have been made up on the spot and therefore I cannot take responsibility for any consequences that may result in using the aforementioned formula).

It makes sense. You know it does. When you have a pile of academic and/or stressful tasks to undertake, everything else suddenly seems more important. You wash-up and dry-up in World Record breaking times. You vacuum the whole house, do the laundry, walk the dog all before the clock hits 10:00 am. Websites you usually scoff at (I'm looking at you, Facebook), become some of the most interesting sites on the whole interweb and you can't look away from them! You can't help but refresh your feed every. two. seconds.

The pattern goes a little like this:


YOU: Okay, a new Word document is open, I have a whole day ahead of me to get this essay started, I could probably hammer out 500 words by lunchtime. But, maybe I should check Facebook first, get it out of my system.

(Refresh Facebook feed).

YOU: Nothing. Guess everyone's busy. But it won't hurt to check again.

(Hits F5).

YOU: All clear. Maybe I should make a cup of tea, to help my mood while I work.

(Bustles off to the kitchen and clicks kettle on, before fussing with tea bags and sugar).

YOU: Right, I have tea, I have a fresh document open, time to work ...

(Hits refresh again and again, until something appears).

YOU: Hey look, Daniel is online. Better say hi.


And so a habit emerges, where you reward yourself after every sentence as though you were one of Pavlov's dogs. You allow yourself to check Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, Blogger. You drink unhealthy amounts of tea, run out of milk and then go buy more milk, so you can continue procrastinating by making and consuming more tea. You write a novel, find the cure for the common cold, catch up with relatives you haven't spoken to in a decade.

You do everything but the task at hand. You procrastinate. And it. is. GLORIOUS.

Until you remove the need to procrastinate, then those tasks become dull. If you have no obligations to attend to then there is no fun in productivity. Those chores are a lot more interesting when you're supposed to be doing something else. And you know they're boring when you'd rather stare at a wall then do them.

Ahem ...